Written on December 20th, 2006 - 5:57PM
Last Updated: January 23rd, 2007 - 8:59PM
Looking back to the creation of marriage we see it is a union of man and woman: the two become one flesh.
Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)
In many ways, marriage can be seen as a completion of man, but only in fleshly terms. It is important to realize what marriage has been created by God to do, so that we don't look in it for things that we can only receive elsewhere (such as from Yahweh Himself alone).
Being "Alone"
Yahweh discovered that it was not good for Adam to be alone and therefore He would make a suitable helper for him:
Yahweh God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:18)
What did it mean that Adam was "alone?" Literally the Hebrew phrase means "for/to himself." Therefore it can mean alone, single, unaccompianed. It was "not good" for the Man to be single. He shouldn't be or exist for himself. Seeing the entire body of scripture, one begins to understand what Yahweh was saying—Man was not made to exist for himself. He, being made in the image of God, was to love and be loved, just as God is love and loves all, which inherently requires another. Therefore it wasn't good for him to be only himself; rather, he needed a counterpart, in order to reflect God's complete image.
This describes his physical situation, for he obviously had the ear of God Who had made him and the presence of God which gave him life. But as to his fleshly, natural man, he was alone. God recognized that he needed a helper suitable for his fleshly needs, which included taking care of the Garden. He needed someone else beside himself.
Yahweh then brought all of the animals He had formed before Adam, in order for them to be named. But out of all of those, there was not found a suitable helper for him.
19Out of the ground Yahweh God formed every animal of the field, and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. Whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20The man gave names to all livestock, and to the birds of the sky, and to every animal of the field; but for man there was not found a helper suitable for him. (Genesis 2:19-20)
He put Adam to sleep and took one of his ribs and closed Adam's side. From that rib God made, or built (בנה), a woman. This was not the same word used for the creation of man or the animals, עשה, "make/form." It is more a building, as in layer by layer (repair, set up, etc.). God took special care to build a suitable helper for Adam out of his rib, more so than with the other creations.
Yahweh then brought the woman before the man:
22He made the rib, which Yahweh God had taken from the man, into a woman, and brought her to the man. 23The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She will be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." (Genesis 2:22-23)
Here is the beginning and ending of that opening and closing of the man's fleshly side. The rib was brought back to him, in a manner of speaking, in this new form of woman. It had been built into something that would be a suitable helper for him.
In Hebrew the words for "man" (אישׁ) and "woman" (אשׁה) are almost identical and sound very similar ("eesh" and "eeshah"). But this is not the same word used previously for the man, Adam (אדם). That word is from the Hebrew word for "red" (the word "soil" also comes from that root "red"), indicating Adam's complexion (ruddy, etc.).
What can be determined from these facts? It would seem that the Man (Adam) was a complete person before God made him a suitable helper, but received that helper from his own body. After the creation of woman, that missing rib only returns when he becomes one with the woman. In matters of the flesh, the man is alone or incomplete until he comes into union with the woman.
Because of this, God can say:
God created man in his own image. In God's image he created him; male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:27)
God created him, yet God created them; together they are still called Adam, or Man.
Man, who was one, becomes two through the creation of Woman; yet Man becomes one again through marriage, as he becomes one flesh with his wife.
A Suitable Helper
What is "a suitable helper?" In Hebrew, it is more evident: עזר כנגדו. Literally, it means "a helper or supporter as before him." "Helper" is a very simple word from the root meaning "to help, succor, support."
The last phrase is made of the preposition meaning "like, as," and the word, נגד ("before, against, about, in your view or purpose"), which comes from the root meaning "to be conspicuous, tell, make known, declare, confess." Therefore, this helper is one who is as the man's informer, or one who is with him concerning his own good. It is a supporter who has the best interests of the man in mind. This is what God was looking to bring to the man.
As seen in scripture, the animals could not provide this. They did not have the intelligence to keep the man "up to date" with his life, to be a supporter who would be interested in his well-being. They may have been able to be in his presence, but do nothing more.
It would take part of the man himself (his rib) to build such a helper. Then it would be like looking at himself, at this woman who was "as before him." So much so that he could say:
The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She will be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." (Genesis 2:23)
Now the Man was no longer "for himself" or "alone." Now he had a counterpart, one who was "as before him." This was good in the eyes of God.
Fleshly vs. Spiritual
It is important to again stress that this union is only a matter of the flesh, not the spirit.
9Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. 10For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls, and doesn't have another to lift him up. 11Again, if two lie together, then they have warmth; but how can one keep warm alone? 12If a man prevails against one who is alone, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)
This is why the many appeals to marriage only deal with natural life and its tasks, as well as its obvious goal, procreation. God has designed the man to be with one woman, in order to create the seed of God.
13This again you do: you cover the altar of Yahweh with tears, with weeping, and with sighing, because he doesn't regard the offering any more, neither receives it with good will at your hand. 14Yet you say, 'Why?' Because Yahweh has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion, and the wife of your covenant. 15Did he not make one, although he had the residue of the Spirit? Why one? He sought a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. (Malachi 2:13-15)
Becoming one spirit with another is not the purpose of marriage, but will be looked at in other sections on this site. Marriage is the union of bodies, of the flesh of man and woman.
We can gain more knowledge of what marriage is intended to be by seeing its comparison with a spiritual truth.
25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it; 26that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, 27that he might present the assembly to himself gloriously, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28Even so husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:25-28)
Paul appeals to this fundamental truth, that marriage is a union between the man and woman, that the two become one flesh. Therefore, for the husband, to love the wife is to love his own self. When he takes care of his wife he is taking care of himself, for they are connected, just as Christ and His Assembly are.
29For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord also does the assembly; 30because we are members of his body, of his flesh and bones. (Ephesians 5:29-30)
The wife is so much a part of the husband, that Paul can compare the insanity of self-mutilation to the insanity of hurting one's wife. It would be like the husband injuring his own flesh if he were to do so to his wife. Such is the union between the man and woman.
Upon what does Paul base this? The creation and God's testimony:
"For this cause a man will leave his father and mother, and will be joined to his wife. The two will become one flesh."{Genesis 2:24} (Ephesians 5:31)
However, Paul reveals that such fleshly marriage only served to shadow the spiritual truth now revealed through the coming of God's Son:
This mystery is great, but I speak concerning Christ and of the assembly. (Ephesians 5:32)
The mystery of the two becoming one is fulfilled in the union of Christ Jesus and His Body, the Assembly.
Just as above the truth that Man was one, yet became two through Woman's creation, but one again through becoming one flesh in marriage, so we see it shadowing the spiritual.
The Lord Jesus Christ is one. But out of Him new creations are born, that is, the children of God Who have placed their faith and hope in Him (John 1:12-13). Yet they become one with Him in spirit (1 Corinthians 6:15-17), so that the Son of God again becomes one.
Therefore, we can learn how to treat our spouse, what to expect of marriage, and so on, by mirroring what happens in matters of the spirit between the Lord and the Assembly to matters of the flesh between the husband and wife.
Thus, we should not neglect natural marriage, having come to see it as a shadow of a greater spiritual truth, but rather should be careful to sustain the type which God has created.
Nevertheless each of you must also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)
The Core of Marriage
Having understood this, one can understand why marriage is so honored: it supplies the natural needs of man and woman, provides for the refilling of the earth with God's own creation, humanity, and mirrors the eternal plan He has for His chosen people to be born from and be one with His own Son.
The man needed someone to help him with his tasks given by God: to tend the Garden, to be fruitful and multiply and refill the earth and to have dominion over the earth and all its creatures (Genesis 1:27-28)(Genesis 2:15).
The wise man's mother gives a description of such a suitable helper, the good woman (Proverbs 31:10-31). Much of the good traits she lists have to do with her help of the man, of keeping the house in order and providing for the family. She supports him in what he does, honors him by her good works and wisdom, and puts fear of Yahweh above all. In so doing, she fulfills her purpose by God, to be a helper suitable for the man. She sees and treats the man as though he is her own body.
As they join in marriage, they truly become one flesh, with a single purpose in their natural lives, working together as one body to achieve it; just as the Assembly does the will of her Lord, Christ Jesus, being one spirit with Him, so does the wife do the will of her husband, being one flesh with him. Together much is accomplished, and the spiritual truth of the oneness of Christ and the Assembly is lived out for all to see.
Living this Truth
Are you married or considering being married? View it in this way, that your spouse will become as your own body and your life with that spouse will blossom into the fruitful tree that Yahweh intended.
Consider some of these questions and begin to change your view and treatment of that one with whom you have become one flesh:
- Would you physically injure or try to kill your own body?
- Would you neglect your own health?
- Would you say shameful things about yourself in public or to yourself in a mirror?
- Would you put yourself down and kill your own hopes and dreams?
- Would you hold yourself accountable for and remind yourself of your past sins if you have trusted in the forgiveness of God in Christ toward you?
- Would you try to actively engage in two separate life pursuits that could not be accomplished at the same time?
If you said yes to any of those, it reveals first that you have yet to come to a divine understanding of what God's best is for you. Second, it reveals that your marriage would suffer as a result, as you would treat your spouse as you treat yourself, in a way contrary to Yahweh's ideal. Your next step is to read God's written Word and come to see yourself as He sees you, and as you treat yourself rightly, so will you be better equipped to treat your spouse rightly.
If you said no to any of those, now apply those questions to your spouse. They should receive the same answer, for that person is as your own body. Change your behavior accordingly and your marriage will flourish and your spouse will be encouraged to live fully for God, having the help necessary in the flesh.
Come up with your own questions, think of things that you would never imagine doing to yourself, and then apply them to your spouse. Be sure you aren't doing those same things to him or her, and you will see the truth of what God intended marriage to be.
As you come to love your spouse as you love and take care of your own body, the many problems in your relationship will begin to melt away, and the union that Yahweh desires with you in spirit will begin to be revealed.
Discerning Yahweh
God desires union with you. He wants you to see yourself as created to be like Him. Just as the woman was created to be a helper suitable for the man, so you have been made to be a fellow-worker with God. Through your new birth from God's own hand, born from His Word, Jesus Christ, you may come into union with Him.
The Lord wants to show you what He has planned for you through this blessing called marriage. As you see the ideals in scripture, and hopefully lived out in His people in natural marriage, you will grow in love. Loving one's own spouse as one's own self will help you discern just how much Yahweh cares for you. And in return, your love for Him will be multiplied!
Last Accessed: September 21st, 2023 - 12:00AM
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